I am starting this year filled with gratitude. A change for me! I am waking up NOT hungover from a raucous New Year's Eve. With my beautiful, handsome, smart and clever children asleep in their rooms. I will take them to their father's later today and that will be ok. I won't freak out or panic or cry. I will drive my butt down to Los Gatos and spend the rest of the day with Steven and his 3 children. And all will be good.
I spent the evening last night at my friend Shannon's, welcoming in the New Year east coast time (9PST) with a roomful of children under the age of 10, grown up strangers (other than Shannon and her husband D), my kids and Steven. Lovely. There was dancing and poppers. The fun party kind that make loud noises not the gay sex kind (which is the kind of party I might have been attending in my younger years).
I came home at 10pm, kissed Steven good bye so he could ring in the actual PST new year with his kids and watched the ball drop with my boys. What could be better?
New Year's resolutions will begin tomorrow. There will be gym joining, a Weight Watchers sign up (just 5-10 pounds please?), some outlining of a book idea. Oh I'll be busy. And I can't wait.
Thank you to all my friends who were oh so patient with me this past year as I waded through the muck of my life. "Grief has it's own rate of decay" as I read in today's Modern Love column in the NYT and despite my best efforts to beat mine back with a stick, it was persistent in rearing it's head during unexpected moments. I'm sure there is more to come. But I am steady. And accepting that grief is part of it all. Well, until it knocks me on my ass again. Then I'm sure I'll have something less thoughtful to say about it.
Mostly thanks to my most awesome of boys. They are still and will forever be the best wild-haired, wild-eyed, knife wielding boys a mom and dad could ever ask for. And the very best party guests to ring in a new year filled with peace and hope and all good things. Love you guys all the much.